Was a tough weekend, although very fulfilling. My mother isn’t well at all anymore. I shall be an orphan by the end of today, or end of tomorrow.
You see? It was 10 years ago, this past Saturday that my father passed away. Ominous day that day was, and now this past Saturday saw us getting a huge snowstorm. Around 10” fell here, so we had to cancel pretty much any plans we had had for that day. We pushed our original plan of heading out to Germantown to see my son’s new apartment back to this past Sunday, to allow for the road-crews to get the roads back into decent shape. As it turns out, that was about the bestest thing to have ever happened!
In the meantime, it was later that Saturday evening, that we found out that my brother had the nursing home/rehab center send my mom back to the hospital—she was non-responsive and as I found out later, had been so for more than a full day. She has COPD and emphysema so these CO2 build-ups in her blood have happened a couple times prior.
Well, the hospital is on the way to Germantown, so, yesterday we stopped in to see her and assess just what state of being she is in. Luckily, my brother was there in the room with her so I got a chance to talk with him. He has full charge of my mom through her Power of Attorney and naming him as Executor of her Will. But, with my brother being my brother, I get no information from him easily. When I saw my mom, she was intubated and the machine was doing the breathing for her. Apparently, my brother had to go through the exact same thing, decision-making process, that I had to go through when I was caring for my dad, 10 years ago. It’s probably the hardest choice anyone has to make in their lifetime…intubate your parent, or let them go. Back then? I chose to let my dad pass with dignity, grace, and peace. My brother chose to intubate. When I saw my mother, she was in agony, couldn’t truly open her eyes and when she did, they rolled back. I was not pleased to see her in that condition. I felt horribly helpless.
But, in the end, looking back, I believe I knew she had already gone and what I saw in the hospital bed was only a shell of a human being, not my mother. Her spirit visited me in my sleep on Friday night/Saturday morning (I can’t remember the time, I was asleep). That spirit told me that she was fine now, was getting up out of her pose on a divan, much like Marilyn Monroe did in films etc., swung her legs around, stood up, said to me, “see? I’m fine!” and then was gone. Thinking back on it now, that’s sending chills up my spine because several weeks back I had told my mom that her sister, my aunt, would come for her on a Saturday in the wee hours of the morning. So, yes, what I saw yesterday in the hospital bed wasn’t my mother, she was already at peace, but her body was fighting those tubes and air-demons and had to be in excruciating pain. There was a frown on her forehead, etched in between her eyebrows.
Before I left, I kissed her on the forehead, much like I did my father before he passed and whispered to her to relax and let the doctors do what they do best, and if I “don’t see you in a couple of days, I’ll see you in heaven. And oh, by the way, tell
Speed forward to today: I called hospital to get a status on her this morning, but the nurse said that he couldn’t give me any information about my mom because my brother is in charge and he asked them to not give any information out to anyone that called. Oh, goodie!!!
I called my aunt and it was her husband, my uncle-by-marriage, who called my brother to get the information I was looking for, plus some other stuff—the doctors, nurses and my brother were to have a meeting at the hospital this afternoon to decide on whether or not to remove the breathing tube.
I am now, sitting in front of my computer, waiting for that phone call from either my aunt or brother. I’ve said prayers all along that my mom go in peace (she didn’t deserve this torture), so now, maybe, hopefully, those prayers will be answered.
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. God bless mommie, daddie, my granmas and my granpas, my aunts and uncles and cousins and all the people in the world that love me and all the people in the world that I love. And, God bless me, too, Amen.
May God bless us all
